so this distance thing between me and chris has really been getting to me the past 2 days. i'm trying so hard to not let it get to me, but sometimes i just can't help it.
it all started yesterday when i was looking at his ex-girlfriends facebook, i'm friends with her for some reason lol. i couldn't remember if he told me that they actually dated but when i was looking at her pictures he was saying how beautiful she was and how amazing her eyes are.. all the things he tells me. i mean i know he has had girlfriends i guess i just never wanted to see him say those things to another girl. it was just hard knowing that he's told other girls the same thing.
then he was out with his friends all night and didn't get home until like 930 or 10 my time. i was sitting at home all night just thinking about how much i missed him. then he got home and was saying how much fun he had with his friends. it made me really sad because i wish more than anything that i could be out there with him and his friends. it makes me miss him like crazy.
i can't believe that it's gonna be like 2 1/2 years or more until we can REALLY be together and that's if it takes that long for me to get out of school, it might take longer. it's so hard knowing that he's this far away from me. it's hard knowing that i can't just go over to his house when i'm having a crappy day and have him make it better. it's hard knowing that we can't just call each other to randomly get together and hang out. this whole thing is just hard.
then there's not knowing when he can come out here. i know he wants to really bad but with his mom being as sick as she is and his grandpa getting worse too, it's hard for him to get out of the house for more than a day at a time. i don't know how he'd ever be able to get out here even if it's just for a few days. gosh it sucks. i know that he has his priorities and making sure that his family is fine is more important than me. but i can't wait for him to come out here and meet my family and friends. it's hard not knowing when i'm gonna have that.
this distance sucks. i absolutely hate it but it's not gonna keep me from being with him. it's just a lot harder some days than others and today is one of those days.
